Lucky Number Alert!!

Yes, I'm one of "those" people. A person with a lucky number. Four has always been my marker. Like a giant arrow when there are no other factors, the choice with a 4 always proves to be the right one.

Now this blog's hit counter approaches 4444. I wonder what will happen?

In My Hot Little Hands

Yesterday I got another UPS delivery. (While fully clothed, thank you. See previous post.) It was a box from Jonathan at Turner, full of books! Unlike the previous review copies, these have my photo on the back. I didn't notice anything about it, but apparently others saw something right away that was...........unexpected. Seems I have a dot between my eyes that isn't on the actual photo. I told the noticer, "Just rub it off. Must be a speck on the book." Didn't work. I slowly walked back to the box and looked at another copy. Yep, it's there too. And the next one, and the next one....... There was nothing to do but laugh. I mean, really. This is NOT a problem, bit it IS funny!

Maybe it will sell well in Hindu communities?

Landmark Booksellers Signing

Here we go! The good people at Turner just set up a signing at my favorite bookstore, Landmark Booksellers, in Franklin. (114 E Main, just off the Square across from St. Phillip's.)

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5th*

5:30PM

I'm excited to get going, and can think of no better place to start!

*I'm sure it's a good omen that this day is also our 22nd wedding anniversary, and the 26th anniversary of our first date (gag, gag, I know).

Great Day

Yesterday was the signing/book giveaway at the Southern Festival of Books in Nashville. It was a gorgeous day, and the plaza was packed. I had a chance to look around and buy some books before my signing, and was glad to see so many people there.

Also there was fellow Turner author Sam Davidson, author of 50 Things Your Life Doesn't Need. Sam's the founder of Cool People Care, and a very funny guy.

I met several people who shared their grief stories with me. One woman who lost her young daughter told me about a thoughtless comment made by a well-meaning friend. "She could have used your book", she told me. A young woman who is a divinity student took a copy and talked about how she hopes she'll be able to comfort people who come to her for help. Several took copies to give as gifts to those who need it.

It was humbling, and wonderful.

Thanks to my friends who stopped by (you know who you are), and special thanks to everyone at Turner.

Just 18 more days.....!

Southern Festival of Books

Each year Nashville hosts all things literary and throws a big old party on the War Memorial Plaza.

The reasons I love this festival (started in '89) are many, but let's hit the highlights, shall we?

*Author sessions are held in the Legislative Plaza hearing rooms underneath the Plaza and in the Senate and House Chambers of the State Capitol. Is it just me, or is that pretty cool?

*It's free.

*This year the festival celebrates the 50th anniversary of To Kill a Mockingbird.

*The authors of the new Mark Twain biography will be there. As Rachel Zoe would say, "I die."

*I defy anyone to look at the jam-packed 3-day schedule and not find someone/something that interests them. From Irene Kelley singing in the plaza to a reading from Dracula's Guest in the Old Supreme Court Room, you can just walk in and take a seat. And it's here, in Nashville! Free!

I am especially excited to be signing advance copies of Sorry For Your Loss: What People Who Are Grieving Wish You Knew on Saturday! Yep, October 9th, from 2-3PM, I'll be in booth 40 just waiting for you. See you there!

Famous Last Words

Most people who have lost someone close to them replay their last moments together over and over in their mind. Sometimes it's in a favorable way, thankful for the chance to say all they needed to say to each other. The survivor may be grateful they were able to care for them, or settle differences before the death. Some relationships are never fully appreciated by either party until death is imminent. The "now or never" aspect casts a new, urgent light on what matters most, and priorities become clear.

Other times we think of everything we did wrong, they did wrong, or what we wish we could change. Often when death is unexpected, comments considered mundane at the time can turn out to be their much-repeated "last words". Those of us left behind can easily read too much into them, and imbue them with importance far beyond the truth. This kind of thinking can torture us.

If I were able to choose, I would like to die like my father-in-law. He had time to wind down, plan and prepare, and then ultimately call everyone to his bedside to say what he wanted to say. Hospice assisted his wife and children as they kept him at home, until he went Home. He was fully present, and spoke to his family, (often asking to speak with one grandchild at a time), neighbors and co-workers with both grace and humor. It was beautiful. He asked for a taste of ice cream, a favorite hymn to be sung, and for one last shave before slipping away late one night.

The problem with this, of course, is we don't get to choose. The obvious solution is to live each day as if it was our last. Can you imagine, though? What if everyone you saw hugged you goodbye as if they would die that night? What if every phone conversation took an hour because of all the "one last thing"s that needed to be said? It's not possible to live that way.

I suppose acceptance is the only answer. What's the alternative, anyway? If we are to live fully, we have to let go. Let go of regrets, what ifs, fears, and yes, even those endless replays of our loved ones' last moments. It's easy (and understandable) to see our lives through the filter of how it would be had they not died, but it robs us of the joy we could be experiencing.

This is your new normal. It's permanently different, and it's not fair, but it's your life. How you live it is up to you. There's a freedom in feeling grateful for the person you loved, but being able to move forward anyway.

I'll leave you with the last words of Karl Marx, to his housekeeper who sat by his bed waiting to write them down for posterity-

"Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough."

Article For Funeral News

www.quotefuneral.com/susan-boyle-chooses-her-own-funeral-song-102

Susan Boyle Chooses Her Own Funeral Song

Although only 49, Scottish singer Susan Boyle has revealed the song she would like to have played at her funeral one day. "It would have to be 'Nellie the Elephant'. She packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus. 
You've got to leave them laughing. Funerals don't have to be sad. Peter Sellers made them smile with 'In the Mood' ' so I could do it with 'Nellie the Elephant'."

Boyle went on to say she would like to make the congregation laugh at her funeral when she passes away and thinks the children's novelty track would be the perfect choice to make mourners smile.
Boyle shot to fame last year when her appearance on Britain’s Got Talent became an internet sensation. She later went on to win the competition and release a number one CD, I Dreamed a Dream.

More and more celebrities are reportedly planning aspects of their own funerals, or even the entire ceremony. Actress Brittany Murphy’s husband Simon Monjack died in May 2010, just five months after her unexpected death. He pre-arranged his burial site to be next to his late wife at Forest Lawn in Los Angeles. Music at the service included a recording of Monjack playing piano while Murphy sang.

Reality star Jade Goody began planning her funeral as her cancer worsened. She died in 2009, at the age of 27.

It’s not just for the famous. Many funeral planners report an increase in this type of personal planning. Some clients choose the music they would like played, while others pre-arrange everything about the service from the flowers to the casket to the family’s thank you notes to be sent out afterward.

This growing trend is reflected in the many online sites designed to help people plan their own funerals. It doesn’t have to be morbid. Many of these sites cater to baby boomers who have a sense of humor about the process, and want to keep it light. This is apparent by their slogans. www.mywonderfullife.com reminds us, “You only get one chance to make a last impression”, and at www.myfunkyfuneral.com, they claim to “put the fun back in funeral”.

-Alicia King

Author of Sorry For Your Loss: What People Who Are Grieving Wish You Knew