Thursday, November 7, 2013
Keeping the Faith Vs. Accepting Reality
I find myself repeating this mantra to myself these days.
I applied to be a workshop presenter for a 2014 program. It's being held in a place I've dreamed of visiting for years. Those who were approved were to receive contracts last month, and those who did not got rejection letters. I received neither.
Here's the gut check- I have been convinced I would be booked by this program from the start. Don't confuse this with me feeling I should be booked, or was somehow better than anyone else who submitted proposals. I simply felt it was to be.
This gut feeling is now at odds with reality, since we are past the approval date. By a couple weeks. You see, I still feel this assurance that I will be participating. It's a visual thing, reminiscent of a game show I played years ago. I can see myself there. No, seriously.
I auditioned for Who Wants to be a Millionaire in 2001. From the start, I inexplicably knew I would be on the show. I lined up with hundreds of strangers the night before they held auditions in Nashville. I made it through the initial stages, then was told we would hear soon if we were chosen to appear on an upcoming show. Soon after this, however, Regis left the show and the set went dark. A year went by before I got "the call" in 2002. I ended up playing the game, just as I had felt I would.
So, how long do I check the mail with urgency? At what point do I accept that they're "just not that into me", and try again next year? Maybe my intuition was a year off? I just don't get it. When my radar hits this strongly, it's never been wrong. Is it an age thing? Is my mojo weakening?
I maintain it's a good rule to trust your gut. I won't temper this directive to my kids simply because of this hiccup. I still believe we are better off when we stay sensitive to these directions and warnings, and I remain hopeful (and possibly unrealistic).