Saturday, April 3, 2010

Just One Thing-What Helped?

What helped you after a loss?

What did someone say that comforted you? What did someone do for you that you remember for all the right reasons?

If there was something you wish someone had done, or something you do now for others, I want to hear about that too!


I'll wait right here.........


  1. A good friend went with me to the memorial. Wow, did that help. She just helped me process some of the stuff that I was going through and was a hand to hold.

  2. Thanks, Beth. For many of us, it's not words of wisdom that mean the most. It's the people who were able to just "be" with us.

    I'm glad you had a friend like that when you needed them.

    Never underestimate the power of a hug, someone to listen, or a hand to hold.

  3. When I was younger (but past the age of hand holding) my grandfather reached out and held my hand at my grandmother's funeral. He whispered to me, "Be brave, just be brave." It was very calming and grounding to have that kind of physical contact and comfort. I still remember how his hand felt -- the exact temperature, the softness of the wrinkles.

  4. Hi This may seem mundane..but it was a real help to me.
    My best friend came with my pre-teen daughter and I when we were shopping for something for her to wear to the wake and funeral for my Mom whom I had just found deceased. It was all very sudden a death. So I was caught unprepared.

    Kids do grow and I just didn't have anything appropriate for her to wear. I hadn't slept much in the 48-60 hrs since I had found my Mom. And I have a clear memory of sitting on the floor in the Fitting Room totally wiped out but relaxed while my friend did all of the running back & forth to get different sizes, styles etc for my daughter to try on. I was so exhausted.. but I was Ever so grateful my friend was there to help. I don't think I could have done it without her.

  5. Thank you, Anonymous! This is anything but mundane. It speaks to the importance of friends who are willing to meet OUR needs at the time, not what they think we need. I'm so glad you had a friend like that to give you (and your daughter) the help you needed the moment.

    It reminds me of a favor my friend Antoinette did for me when my dad died. We lived in a little town in the Sierras, over an hour from the nearest department store. It was the night before the funeral, and I couldn't find anything to wear. I called Antoinette, and she told me to come over and go through her closet. She had the perfect outfit, and I was so relieved.

    What would we do with out friends like this?

    To Joslyne- I love hearing about your grandfather. He sounds so loving and reassuring. I wonder if it was his words that were so comforting, or simply his touch, his being there, that helped? Either way, thanks for sharing this.

  6. when my Grandmother passed away, a lady at our church offered to watch the kids at our home during the grave yard service. She took them home from the funeral home. That was such a blessing as I felt I had to be strong for my kids and I was able then to feel free to grieve without restrictions at the graveyard service. -Jodi Richfield

  7. Alicia, I just found your blog through another friend who posted your blog for people to read. I have first hand experience as I lost my first husband to a brain tumor .. all within one week, and was left a widow with three little ones. I have plenty of examples from my own experiences. I found myself planning a funeral and taking care of my family. My late husband's family fell apart, so I had to support them as well. It was tough but it was an experience ... If you need more stuff, let me know!!! Email me at lelanita at yahoo dot com. I'm blogging about something associated with that experience. I ended up with autoimmune disorder from that experience and refused to let it affect my life. So I'm blogging my quest for fitness at I look forward to hearing from you! Good luck!

  8. Thank you Jodi. Isn't it nice when people sense what we need and then offer to help?

    Lelani, email is on the way:)


When someone dies, (other than attending the service), I do this for the family-